On the first day of this year I declared that this year is about being seen.
Now, here we are on day 103 of this year, and what have I learned in one hundred and three days?
First, here’s what I wrote and the video I shot on 1/1/18:
For me, 2018 is about being seen. I have hidden from being fully seen because it felt safer. It was a smaller existence, sure, but at least I was safe. Being seen meant being criticized, rejected, questioned, and DISAPPROVED OF. It meant running the risk of losing love. After hiding in various ways through out my life, I’m ready to face my fear of really being out there! Witnessed. Heard. Sharing my experience, my perspective. The insulation of staying quiet and small and agreeable isn’t what I want anymore. I choose the deep inner core of self-love. I choose to face my fear and I’m willing to be surprised by what it may be like on the other side. ❤️🙌let’s do this. I look forward to being seen!!
103 days with the intention of being seen...
What has that meant? I've came out and shared my practice as a coach on public platforms like instagram and facebook and youtube. I filmed a vulnerable promotional video about me and my journey with emotional eating and body image with Lucas Dimoveo Media. I've posted content more or less consistently over the past 3 months and 13 days. I've been sharing my thoughts, my feelings, my work, my photos, and myself.
It has been scary. I've had to sit with the fear, honor it, hang out with it, and let it move through as it's ready. I've had to sit with all the thoughts that come up: all the things that I project other people must be thinking and judging about me. The knowledge that people know more about me now, and they may or may not understand me.
It's been gratifying. I've felt this lifting excitement in my heart and lungs. There's this incredible thrill when I hear how my words resonate and touch someone. Connection based on authenticity has no equal. Building my practice with people who are drawn to me, my voice, my mission fills my heart with peace. I know I'm building something that I really care about and that I am really aligned with.
Do I regret it? NO.
Will I keep doing it? YES.
Being truly seen is worth the risks and worth all the pain that I've faced. I would face it all again! And I probably will, because life seems to cycle through to the next layer of things over and over again, like a spiral.
Here's to the next 262 days of this year! I'm so curious to see how BEING SEEN continues to unfold.
If you feel like you are hiding yourself from the world, please reach out. Maybe it’s emotional weight, maybe it’s physical weight, maybe it’s both. Maybe it’s the way you feel ashamed of your body. Maybe it’s the way you feel obsessed with food. I know how painful it can be to only have food as a coping tool: because it only gives momentary relief and ultimately creates more pain.
There’s another way! The work I do goes deep into the roots of why we emotionally eat, why we carry extra weight, and why we don’t love ourselves.
I'm only accepting a few more 1:1 clients in the coming months. You can apply for an introductory session and see if I have spots available.
Much love - Always -
**Originally posted 9.2.16
Seeing myself in the mirror used to be a big trigger point, a time when I would scrutinize my body and check in on all the parts that were wrong, that I needed to fix, that I rejected.
All the work I’ve done culminated in an exquisite moment over the summer. I had just showered, and as I took off my towel to hang it up to dry I saw myself, naked, in the full length mirror.
The way I felt as I looked at my reflection was a revelation! Overcome with this feeling of joy, of enthusiasm, I looked at my body and felt such admiration. I looked at my face in the mirror and smiled. My eyes were sparkling. I said, "Oh my goodness! You are so beautiful!" I laughed. I felt like I was glowing. Like the body I saw before me was powerful beyond measure. Like every inch was a masterpiece.
The “flaws” I usually saw before were there, but they were no longer flaws, now they were treasures.
I felt genuinely excited to be me, and to be living in this body. Never before had I so authentically felt in love with what I saw in that mirror. I was bursting with enthusiasm.
Moments like that are what happen for my clients.
What is it like for them to feel this deep body love?
Here’s a snapshot of some moments of my clients feeling deep love for their bodies:
So many people walk around today judging their bodies as bad, as too much of this and not enough of that. Body love is based on acceptance of what is. This acceptance isn’t superficial: it is deep, authentic, comprehensive, and it can take time to sink into all the layers of you and your awareness. Body love is also based on creating a filter of perception that points out all the things that are so enjoyable and lovely about being in your body.
Ultimately, body love looks like whatever you want it to look like. One thing that I absolutely adore about this work is that when we clear away all the shit (whatever it may be) around feeling safe in our bodies and in the world, we naturally return to a good feeling place. We return to a place of ease and calm. Rather than try to make loving your body look like any of the examples I’ve mentioned here, I encourage you to get curious about what it would feel like for you to love your body.
So how do you feel after reading this?
Does feeling safe and in love with your body feel familiar or unfamiliar?
Are you wanting to feel it more?
You can sign up for my newsletter and dip your toes in, or you can schedule a free introductory call with me and dive in!
I’d love to hear from you.
*Tapping is one of the main techniques I use to mitigate cravings and negative emotions. My experience and studies have shown it to be one way to release old stories and mental, physical, and emotional triggers. Here is a link to some research, if you’d like to learn more.
The overarching theme that I notice with any effective technique or method for letting go of our unwanted mental shit, yes, our shit, is to go into the discomfort, go to the pain, and in that place to remind ourselves of the truth, of our inherent goodness, of our power as creative beings, of the inherent well-being of all of existence.
*** I welcome you if you are ready to let go of the story you have about your body, your diet, your exercise, and how valuable you are. It doesn’t have to be a struggle. You can feel authentically great. One of the greatest sadnesses, is a life unlived. Don’t let your body image be what keeps you from living your life.
Warmly - Makayla
*Originally posted on 7.14.16
I swore I'd never diet, I'd never be fat, never dislike my body, never struggle with what I saw my mom struggle with.
And maybe it's because I swore I'd never do any of that that I somehow made it my own problem. Luckily, I found a way out.
This blog is for you if you, too, want to find a way to lift the heaviness of not feeling at home in your body.
A reassuring note: for my work, it’s necessary to go to the deep, sticky, painful places, but I always come back up to the light and warmth.
If you're already triggered: take a deep breath. In... and out...
It's ok to feel uncomfortable. Bravery and willingness are essential, and it's ok if you're not ready to go there. You don't ever have to be ready. You are ok just as you are. Come back if and when you are ready.
A day in the life of my past self:
The day may start out fine. Feeling pretty good. Drinking tea, getting ready for the day. Eager to see the people I love; eager to create and learn. Put on my makeup, put on my outfit, and go out into the world...
The day goes by, and the seductive pain of comparison creeps in. I find myself listening to these insidious thoughts that seem surface-level at first glance:
Why aren't you skinnier? Your arms will never look like that. I bet she can date whoever she wants to, look at how flawless she is. You can't wear those kinds of shirts, you'll look like a sausage.
Blah blah blah. It's annoying. It's horrifying. We've all heard this narrative either in our own minds, or reflected back to us in blog posts like this or other media outlets. I'm sick of it.
I'm not here to analyze the horror story we create of self-loathing and bad body image. I'm here to tear it apart:
*(Safe has lots of wonderful words that branch from it: powerful, protected, strong, reassured, calm, peaceful, loved, inspired - see my upcoming blog post for how safety is the basis for everything.)
Pardon my irreverence. I know this can be an incredibly sensitive issue. I honor the sensitivity of it, in that I honor you and your human experience. Human beings are precious, with all our layers, our soft underbellies, our intricate minds, and willingness to keep trying. My irreverence is for the shit, not for you and your experience.
"You are unique; your shit isn’t." - Deirdre Maguire (a wise, beloved mentor of mine).
The negative body images we’ve internalized are just illusions, however real they may feel. When I look at you, I see you, and I see your story. They are not the same thing.
So, how do I really feel about me body now? It's ever evolving. Where there used to be a chasm of self-pity, loathing, hatred, and criticism there is now a strong foundation of respect and trust. Namely, the preciousness of this body is what I notice the most, and what I return to again and again. I feel gratitude for my body, and I feel it blossoming in the light and warmth of my own loving gaze.
I welcome you if you are ready to let go of the story you have about your body, your diet, your exercise, and how valuable you are. It doesn’t have to be a struggle. You can feel authentically great. One of the greatest sadnesses, is a life un-lived. Don’t let your body image be what keeps you from living your life.