Hi! I'm Makayla.
How did I get here?
When I was 16 I realized my weight was the lowest before I started dieting. I had literally made the problem WORSE. Shock. Horror. Hopelessness.
I thought if I could control it, I could be free of it. What I didn’t realize was that food wasn’t the problem, it was just my way of coping with my emotions.
I was around 13 when I started obsessing about my weight. My fear of being trapped by food like my mom had been all my life, added fuel to my obsession. The thought: if only I was my ideal weight, then everything in my life would be 100% better! It would fix everything!
This rejection of my body led to obsessing over how to change it, fix it, NOW. I looked to diets and workout routines:
the master cleanse, raw foods, High Intensity Interval Training, morning runs, yoga, pilates, Tracy Anderson, Yoga booty ballet, Power 90, six small meals, no eating after 3pm, juice fasting, big salads, low fat, low carb, no sugar, no dairy, etc.
I was doing everything ‘right’, but I was still unhappy and disempowered.
I was caught in a vicious cycle:
1. I’d be upset or stressed or overstimulated.
2. I’d think about how fun and exciting eating some food would be.
3. I’d eat the food; ride the high.
4. I'd ride the numbing crash of feeling my body shut down; then I’d feel sick and fat and gross.
5. Then I’d launch into incredible frustration “how did I do this again?!” “It has to change” “It has to change FAST!”
6. I’d frantically scan my mind, the internet, etc. for information on how to get skinny fast; for how to FIX THIS.
7. I’d decide on a plan; I’d stuff down the fear and doubts, and before I'd go to bed I’d decide: “Tomorrow I’ll do XYZ and I’ll be on my way to my perfect weight in no time!”
8. Tomorrow would dawn and things may have started out ok, maybe I even got through a few days, but one way or another, the need to soothe myself with food would override all my plans... (go back to #1).
This cycle ruled my life. Feeling out of control with food and hating your body is so painful. Sadly, a large percentage of the Western population, and especially people who identify as women, experience this pain for most of their lives. To not feel at home in your body? To have a toxic relationship with the very substance that nourishes your daily existence? It's painful. Plain and simple.
But there is hope. It doesn't have to be this way. Transforming your relationship with food and your body to one of peacefulness and love is possible.
And it's what I LOVE helping people do!
This work has helped me to get out of the vicious cycle of self-hate, and to get out of all those mental traps. I feel so much love for myself just as I am. It comes in waves, some days it's loud, and somedays it's quiet.
I thought that healing my "Emotional Eating" would mean that I wouldn't get excited about food anymore, and that I wouldn't enjoy it... so. not. true. I still totally love food and get excited about it, but the fixation and the out-of-control feelings around it are GONE.
Seldomly I'll find myself wanting to eat when I know I'm not truly hungry, but now I know that those feelings are just there to let me know that something else is going on. I am equipped with tools to work with the feelings in a kind and empowered way. I've found a way of eating that feels so good to me, and ways of exercising that I love and that bring me joy.
I’ve learned how to really be with myself and really listen to myself. My feelings are no longer silenced and numbed out by chocolate and a third heaping bowl of pasta.
Yes, I’ve lost weight, but what I’ve really lost is emotional weight: self-doubt, deep inner fears, and the knee-jerk reaction of using food as an escape.
What a great thing to lose.
Now I find myself frequently experiencing a peacefulness with the ebb and flow of life:
- maintaining perspective throughout the triggering moments
- laughing at how it’s all ridiculous
- cherishing how it’s all precious.
It's pretty amazing. The work continues to evolve, as I evolve in my own way.
If you'd like to learn more about the work I do click here for a little gift from me to you:
And if you want to dive even deeper into learning about what I do, you can fill out this intake form to schedule a free call where we'll explore what's going on in your relationship to food and your body and what's getting in the way of being friends with your body.
Meanwhile: much much love -
The tools I offer are the tools I’ve used in my journey, and the tools I shall continue to use as I continue to remember who I am, and how worthy I am of all the goodness life has to offer.
Facilitating this healing, this perspective shift, this remembering, is something I treasure. I am so honored to be part of people's lives and journeys through my work as a coach.